Cara mia,

As you know I will soon be at the barricades fighting alongside the rest of Les Amis de l'ABC. The future cannot be told, therefore, I do not know what will happen. It is a blank book, and so I cannot read ahead. I pray to God that I will live, but there is a chance I won't, so I thought it best to tell you how I feel.

I have known you for so long, my Italian princess, and I have watched you blossom. In return, my heart has blossomed with love for you. I remember we met at a meadow. I was so nervous when I walked up to you and we began to talk. You told me that you were from Italy, and that you had just moved here a month before. I then spoke to you in Italian as you chuckled and smiled. Oh, how your smile made your whole face glow! We became friends from then on, but I have loved you ever since. Everything about you is to beautiful not to be loved. Your hair shines like pure black silk. The amethysts that are your eyes glisten and gleam when you laugh. Your personality - so complex, so beautiful.

I was always so scared to tell you what I felt in my heart, for fear that you would reject me, and that so bright a star would fall from my life. You would always come to my home, sometimes spend the night. You would come crying to me, and I would wrap my arms around you, longing to change the entire world just so I could stop one more tear from falling. We exchanged poetry, discussed books. We would play duets - you on your violin, viola, or harp, I on my flute. Then you would become Terpsichore, dancing to the music I played on my flute. And then you would sing to me - you would sing to me with that honey voice, lovlier than all the nightengales. When the song ended, you would smile at me with that smile that could lighten the heart of the Devil himself. I smiled and clapped, all the while restraining myself from kissing those strawberry lips of yours. And when you came and talked to me of men who approached you, my eyes became green with envy. But all I could do was listen and bottle up my feelings.

I knew I couldn't do this forever, and I began to indirectly express what I felt. I would reference to it in poetry that was sometimes shown to you. I gave you flowers, and on one occassion I made a wreath of wild flowers to crown that adorable head of yours. I took you out to dinner, the theatre, and introduced you to Les Amis. Courfeyrac had plans to make you one of his ladies, saying, "I'd make extensive use of that one if she were in my collection." I pleaded with him not to seduce you, not to take away your virtue, not to break your heart, all because I'm in love with you. And, hopefully, you will remember the evening at that same meadow where we met when I kissed you. We were standing under a flowering tree facing eachother, you wearing your crown of wildflowers, our conversation just ended. There was a silence and I cast my eyes down, then my head. "Je --" and "T--" I stammered as my face became flushed. "Jehan," you said as you lifted my head, "what is it? What's wrong? You can tell me." I felt so awkward as I stared into your eyes, in all their violet blue glory. My emotions would not remain bottled, and I leaned over and kissed you, and you kissed me back. But then you pushed yourself away from me, your eyes nervously darting. Then you ran home as my world crashed down berfore me. I cried when I got home - that's all I could do, for one can do nothing else when they feel that they violated someone they love. And it didn't stop when you came back to see me because you acted as if nothing happened. Now I am off to fight without knowing if I have your love to give me fortitude.

You often told me that you held the same beliefs as Les Amis, and that you would support me in what I do. You also said that you would do anything to makes it so that none of us would have to risk our lives for freedom. As I laid beside you on my bed, gently stroking your hair, you whispered a plea to me, asking me not to go to the barricade. "It would be to great a loss," you said. I told you that Enjolras would have my head on a golden platter if I abandoned them. "I just wish there were some way to keep you here, safe. Yet I know how important this is to you, and I would never prevent you from standing up for your beliefs." That's what you said to in an understanding, sympathetic tone. But I swear to you, if I could have you to love and to love me back, I'd do anything to make you happy. Because I do not have you for my own, losing my life is not as great a worry for me. Even if I do not come back, I will always be with you. Enclosed is a golden ring with a diamond in the center, and a small ruby on each side of it. Inscribed are the words: With you always ~ Jehan in hopes that you will always remember Jean Prouvaire, who will always have eternal love for you. If I die, all my fortunes, everything I own, falls on you. Do not mourn, for it would hurt me more than any gunshot would to know that you are unable to be as happy as you deserve to be because of me. I close this letter now with the words I wanted to say to you that evening at the meadow when I kissed you: Je t'aime. T'amo. I love you.

Forever yours,
Jehan

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