Can you write a fanfic in exactly fourteen words? This is a device invented by one Basingstoke, who says: "The idea is to distill the essence of a story into fourteen words, to reach the extreme of brevity while retaining the scope of a story..."

Entries:

By Quiara:

• Between Joly's sneezing and Musichetta's snoring, I cannot sleep well, so we have sex.
• What kind of revolution were you expecting, Apollo? Kiss me and change your world.
• Hugo was mistaken; Marius went home with Bossuet at first, but Joly scared him.
• They drown in wine and mindless kisses tonight; by dawn, Liberty comes between them.
• (Musichetta:) Death has stolen my lovers from my bed and left me huddled there, alone.

By Darcel Grantaire:

• Word limits? What next, absinthe restrictions? Oppression! Hey, Apollo, I'm with you after all!

By Ursula:

• Eponine grew her hair long to attract Marius. But he didn't find lice appealing.
• All my friends died, but I got the girl. No bachelor party, I guess.
• When hiring domestics, choose the stuttering woman over the handsome knife-wielding teenage boy.
• Absinthe is not a contraceptive and should not be used thusly. Damn, that's random.
• Get off the ledge, Jehan, there are more fish in the sea. Chill, boy.
• Amis skipping through the streets singing "Alouette" is less depressing than Amis being shot.
• Watch it with that gun, Bahorel; you know accidents can -- Merde! Quick, Enjolras, duck!
• The typist was plagued with slash pairings, but never wrote them, sparing the boys.
• Smooth, Fearless Leader. Real smooth. Huh. Combeferre had better come bail us out soon.

By Lillie:

• I survived the barricades and all I got was a convict for a father-in-law.
• Eponine loves Marius. Marius loves Cosette. Eponine gets shot at the barricade. Poor Eponine.
• "Oh no, my family is in jail again," thought Madame Thenardier. Then she died.

By Ivy:

• Constantly frightened by nightmares in which her nose lengthened alarmingly, Simplice entered a convent.
• "I quit the fan business. . . .wonder what all my sisters will say about it. . . "
• Eponine was annoyed at the competition when Montparnasse took a liking to Marius, too.
• "There's a grief that can't be spoken. Therefore, this song will not be sung."
• "What was I thinking when I wrote that?" Victor muttered, watching the manuscript burn.
• Eponine reached toward Marius and sighed when her hand went through him-- hallucinations again.

By Rabsjavert:

• Q granted each a Boon--for Grantaire: sunglasses. For Bossuet: toupees. For Enjolras: Grantaire.
• Montparnasse left her, and the barricade, with quick, stiff steps. Remember, dandies don't cry.
• Her daughter, her teeth, her hair... for what? A bad trade, in the end.
• Javert dreamt he dropped his nightstick in the Seine. Much later, he found it.
• The wine and words flowed torrentially, until dammed by unconsciousness and the number fourteen.
• Lost in a fog of adoration, he didn't see Montparnasse slip out her window.
• Marius awoke beside his wife, the woman-in-white's voice echoing. "Come with me..."
• "But..."
  Jehan kissed the drunkard softly and sadly. "...But I'm not him. Goodbye, Grantaire."
• "Gone to liberate myself and France. Your old friends had such vision. Farewell. --Cosette."

By Manon:

• Patria, he says. C'mon, we all know you've got eyes for the gamine, Enjolras.
• "Mon Dieu, I'm dying!" "Nonsense, m-m-mademoiselle. Now go change; we needn't worry your father."
• Musichetta gets pregnant, bears youngest Marie-Suzanne ever, dies: Nine Men And A Little Lady.
• One romantic tactic which Cosette learned, but Eponine never did: play hard to get.

By Zath Chauvert:

• Eponine and Gavroche died. However, stuck with her father, Azelma was the unlucky one.
• Marius followed her everywhere, learning her habits and address, obsessing. Cosette married a stalker.
• Enjolras smiled at Grantaire but was really thinking, "At least they'll shoot *him* too..."
• "Jehan, when Enjolras said to wear tricolor, he didn't mean purple, orange, and chartreuse."
• Meeting yet another "sister," Les Amis realized Feuilly just wouldn't admit to having girlfriends.

By Jeni Baron:

• She went from the path to nunhood to being the priest(ess) of the revolution.
• Tough decision, the cute intellectual boy who draws moths, or the ugly cynical drunkard?
• There's a good reason why Hugo didn't write more; he based Marius on himself.

By K. Telfer:

• After the sixth Republic, Enjolras began to think maybe Grantaire was right after all.
• As Bossuet lay dying, he remembered he'd forgotten to turn the stove off yesterday.
• Musichetta grieved for a while. Then she moved on and dated that painter Marcello.
• Nineteen thousand people died of cholera in 1832. Joly only died of bullet wounds.
• Marie Suzette was a temptation far too great for Javert to resist. How surprising.
• What is the moral behind "Les Miserables"? Get married and perhaps you will survive?
• Whilst sleeping in Montparnasse's arms, Eponine dreamed of Marius. Montparnasse dreamed of Madame Thenardier.

  AND . . . A SUMMARY OF THE BOOK.

• Jean Valjean embarks on a reluctant quest for spiritual redemption. Other stuff happens too.

By Gavroche86:

• As his feet touched water, Javert regretted not taking swimming lessons as a child.

By Jenn Osborne:

• Marius loved another. Montparnasse was a psychopath. Small wonder Eponine went to the barricades.

By Lonely Gamine:

• "Dear Enjolras: your problem is that you never learned how to properly get drunk."
• Cosette looked kindly at the lovesick, poorly dressed student and thought to humor him.
• Fantine's prostitution could have been more lucrative had she not sold her teeth first.
• Dying, Eponine looked at the twit and wished to repeat the last five minutes.
• Grantaire looked at Enjolras and wished he had one of Feuilly's fans. He drank.

By Marçae:

• They could've at least let Valjean eat the bread before throwing him into prison.
• Water engulfs the suicidal police inspector. Javert wonders, "Why didn't I bring my waterwings?"

By AmZ:

• Javert saw a familiar face in the river and jumped in to say hello.
• At the barricades, Gavroche got his revenge on Javert for pulling his ears earlier.
• Gypsies reminded Javert of his traumatic childhood, and prostitutes - of youthful indiscretions in Toulon.
• The soldiers took aim. Enjolras mused that Revolution sounded like more fun in theory.
• Montparnasse wore a corset under his waistcoat. While searching him, Javert almost died laughing.
• Hugo initially described Javert as a repressed homosexual, but Javert's wife set him straight.
• "Valjean, you are under arrest!" "For what?" "For stealing 17 years of my life!"
• Paris! Do you have cholera? Build some barricades and call me in the morning.
• Rats, rats, rats, escaped convict with a half-dead revolutionary on his shoulders, rats...
• Tobacco and chasing Valjean were not Javert's only amusements. Montparnasse was another. Rated NC-17.
• Javert had fond memories of Toulon: sunbathing on the beach and watching Valjean suffer.
• Javert couldn't survive on a policeman's salary, so he told fortunes on the side.
• Valjean once broke parole and spent the next 17 years putting it back together.
• If Valjean ever *did* choose the life of crime, he would still be dirt poor.
• Javert hated being compared to a dog, especially when he was shedding in springtime.
• Montparnasse was always broke, because he lost all his "earnings" to Javert at poker.
• Just how many trinkets does one have to sell to make a million francs?!
• One day, Grantaire discovered opium. He was never seen again at the Cafe Musain.
• The first thing Javert bought after getting reincarnated was a motorcycle and mirrored sunglasses.
• Spring finals are not kind to those who waste valuable study time planning Revolutions.

By Grayswandir:

• Javert's tragedy was not that he died, but that, for a moment, he lived.
• More flowers sprang from the hands of Jean Prouvaire in death than in life.
• They stood apart, though Enjolras was blind, and Grantaire did not want to see.
• Valjean is dead. Who, then, shall take the candlesticks? who tend the Bishop's flame?
• Joly and Montparnasse each loved his mirror, one wanting pallor, the other some rouge.
• Musichetta couldn't choose between them, so she pretended not to know there were two.

By Rosette C. H.:

• "A pretty girl loves you, Pontmercy? Pass the absinthe, and whine to someone else."
• Eponine cried over Marius. Then she saw her mother, and cried harder over genetics.
• The real reason girls avoided the backroom: embarrassment that Enjolras was prettier than them.
• What Valjean didn't know was Petit Gervais stole the money a few hours before.
• The Bishop died when he ran into a wall. If only he'd had candlesticks.
• "Bossuet, is that a dead cat on your head? You look much better bald."
• Joly was the hypochondriac, but Courfeyrac should have been the one worried about diseases.
• What Irma Boissy could afford to call impossible wasn't all that bad to Chowder.

By Sirius Ravenclaw:

• Grantaire and Enjolras could never make up their minds. Finally, they slept together--forever.
• Joly and Bossuet were doing fine without her, so Musichetta moved in with Courfeyrac.
• The author's Miz-hating friend began to rethink her opinions when faced with Enjolras' carbine.
• With Valjean's knife to his throat, Javert began to wish he'd been a gypsy.
• Jean Prouvaire, tired of snide comments about his clothing, began coming to meetings naked.
• "Someone get him! Grantaire, come back--he didn't mean it!" It was too late.
• A writer's tale--Jehan lived by the pen, but died by the firing squad.
• Enjolras may have been the leader, but without Feuilly...nothing much would have changed.
• Bahorel stormed into the cafe, scowling. "Why don't I get any 14-word stories?"

By Bookelf:

• "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth," says poor Fantine.
• What happened to Jean Valjean's nieces and nephews? The truth - everyone's related to him.
• Pontmercy left Marius so he could be rich. Marius wasn't rich. What a waste.
• Azelma grew up, moved to America, married a tycoon and lived happily ever after.

By Spirrogg:

• Grantaire was good at falling down. He met Enjolras and never regained his feet.
• Javert Porn: Is that a loaf, or are you just happy to see me?

By Vevette:

• Valjean and Javert make up, steal Marius' inheritance and run away to Costa Rica.
• Then Javert said, "Enjolras, you are my son - come over to the dark side."

By Sahedre:

• "In this fic, Gavroche is Eponine's brother!" the newbie exclaimed. Then I shot her.
• What Eponine did not know was that Montparnasse was really a woman in disguise.
• Enjolras wished that his fangirls would stop misspelling his name. It never came true.
• Enjolras never used his first name because he couldn't imagine a revolutionary named Joe-Bob.

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